We want to extend our sincere apologies to all our customers, followers and believers because due to reasons beyond our control the world did not come to an end as it was previously anticipated by a large number of our representatives, priest, fanatics of all sorts and a large list of individuals not directly sanctioned by this company.
Although we are extremely sorry for the inconvenience that this delay in the apocalypse might have caused to your personal and family plans, we are forced to emphatically state that if your world did not end and you are reading this it is most probably due to a misuse of our product with the reference number: #Cal-3nd-ar or a misinterpretation of the user manual that always comes with it when delivered.
Also, our priests from the legal department have brought to our attention that the warranty of the product is limited to manufacturing defects and under no circumstance covers cases of excessive fanaticism. Also we recommend to check the warranty policy expiration date since according to our artisans from the manufacturing department most of the warranties of these products expired 4,000 (four thousand) years ago.
If you are one of the few customers who acquired an extended warranty and your date of birth is around the year 1,200 B.C. please contact our customer service department where a jaguar warrior will gladly help you.
In then unlikely case that you have been spending money in panic preparations such as fallout shelters, irrational accumulation of food, advanced training in firearms and jujitsu we regret to inform you that this company is in no condition to make any kind of reimbursement. However, we encourage you to review your particular situation with your priest or local fanatic who surely will provide a sound explanation and will inform you on the next steps to follow.
We strongly recommend to all our customers to keep a safe distance from any organization or group suggesting collective suicide that tends to be common during these situations. We also recommend the discretionary use of your judgement that has always been sharp and clear.
Again, we appreciate your preference for our products and we hope to continue providing you with our extensive lineup of goods that will surely cover all your ignorance and fanaticism needs.
Mayan Customer Service Department